contradictions

2009-01-24T23:11:00.002+08:00

you've crushed it, again.
with those words of yours.
it didnt have to end like this.
you said you had no other choice.
you didnt want yourself to get hurt.
but what about me?
you didnt give that a thought did you?

2009-01-24T22:55:00.002+08:00

OMG OMG OMG! Look at the date below. It's December, 06. Haahahahaa! i didnt really think i havent been blogging for ages. It's just that i am no longer free for this anymore. Yes it's pathetic, i mean it's only the beginning of the year but i hardly had the time to even on the computer. And apart from that, i dont think there's much to blog about because i'd rather keep the problems to myself rather than telling the whole world. Lol. But anyway, life hadn't been great for me and i think i may just collapse one day which i already did but i managed to get up on my two feet. Oh well, it is tough these days but i only have to thank god for giving me the strength to get up and live. It's true that life hadn't been easy, and everytime i'd pray to Him to guide me through the obstacles and challenges i may face. Because it's Him whom i can depend on now.

2008-12-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

*tuesday? ok it's a date then.(:*

2008-12-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

oh my god. brandon is so cute. and i cannot stop smiling.(((((:

2008-11-30T01:48:00.004+08:00

wow. i havent been blogging since the first few weeks of holidays. oh yeah sure i've been busy and i dont think my busy-ness could be compared with anyone else's. ahaa! ok so, i'll just update the stuff i've been doing lately during this long, mundane holiday.

22 oct - 11 nov:
i've been pathetically busy with AEM and the projects that needed to be done. it was really tiring and it nearly drove me crazy. but it was fun and interesting, especially when it came to an end. boy, was i happy. in between those days, i went for job attachment at NUS dentistry, also spend time with my bf before both of us go to overseas. it was amazing having to spend time with him though he was supposed to be busy with his work. lol. so okay, those four weeks haven't been that bad.*shrugs*

12 nov:
it was my 5th month with bf. it was awesome. he picked me up from my house at 2pm with a package and a bouquet of roses. i didnt have time to take a peek at those gift but it did smell like him. haha! so anyway, after exchange our gift, we went off to the singapore flyer. bf bought the 5 o'clock tickets because we wanted to grab a bite first before taking the flyer. we popped by Popeye's and ordered the same set meal. we got to our table, and i was already salivating(NOT literally). haha! so after having our stomachs filled, we headed to the entrance of the singapore flyer and had our picture taken. we had the whole capsule to ourselves. boyfriend couldnt get enough taking pictures of views outside instead of me. i had no idea why he wanted to do that when it was pretty obvious that there were no nice views surrounding the flyer unless if you count massive tall buildings as beautiful scenery. haha! so anyway, we took pictures of us anyway and me posed like super model. lol. it was a fun and unforgettable ride, i supposed. then, we went browsing at the souvenirs shop and bf insisted on buying me a sun hat. i didnt ask for it ok. he insisted. so i just went along with it. it sure was a pretty hot anyway. after that, we toured around the singapore flyer mall and we went to the build-a-bear workshop to create our very own bear. ((:we had alot of fun stuffing, stitching, fluffing and dressing up our bear. we called him lil'bryan. he was so cute and adorable. i cant stop cuddling him. after personalised our lil'bryan birth certificate, we decided to head home since it was getting dark and bf needed to be home before his sister arrives from australia. took the cab home, and he accompanied me up to my doorstep. i thanked him for the wonderful day we've spent and bid goodnight.

15 nov:
bf fly off to lebanon on this day. it was saddening, yes. i met him before he went off and he poured out his feelings. i was touched of course. but i did it by laughing it off. i bet he was like, what the heck? spoil the moment only. lol! we said our goodbyes and end it with a hug.):

16 - 18 nov:
my family was busy doing our last minute preparation for the trip to new zealand. it was chaotic. we did our last minute shopping for the necessary items and some cold wear. oh, it was exciting to be leaving this country.

19 - 28 nov:
the trip to new zealand. oh my gosh. believe me when i say it is the most beautiful place to explore the wonders of nature. we arrived in auckland on the first day. auckland is a busy, cosmopolitan and thriving metropolis. it was a beautiful city that has unique beautiful building. we toured around auckland and it was more or less like singapore but more cooler that was why we had to have our scarves on.(: then there was marlborough, the northern end of the south island. it is one of the most pleasant spot on earth and full of joys and splendid surprises. one of the activities i enjoyed the most was sheep shearing and playing with little lamb. though all of the scenic areas were within a reasonably sized area, we didnt manage to see all in one day. but the ones we went were breathtakingly magnificent. on the 5th day, we flew to chistchurch. it was like an english city with statues everywhere and its parks and gardens were beautiful as if you were in england. i was told that the englishness of christchurch results partly from the gothic-revival style of architecture and partly from the layout of the city with its english-named streets. here we got to experience and see the maori life at the nga hau e wha national marae. we also went swimming with the dolphins and i meant it literally.(not just touching the dolphins like at dolphin lagoon) we had lovely times in christchurch and waking up everyday to a panoramic views over the city and the plains was just a memorable experience. we had amazing times in new zealand that it pained us to depart from christchurch to singapore. we had snapped plenty of pictures while there, except they're still in daddy's camera. i'll upload them soon when i'm free. i bet you'll be captivated by god's beautiful creations. stay tuned for the photos.(((:

29 nov:
tired. jet lag.

so there. that was how my holidays were spent. i know the first few weeks had gone by wastefully but at least i made it up the following weeks. haha! the next few days i might probably be really busy with workshops and stuff. so i think i'll update now first on my upcoming activities.(:

1 - 5 dec:
i have to attend this o-level workshop that my mother had enrolled me in. i dont know why, but i somehow cant wait. hehhs.

6 - 13 dec:
my family will be flying off to malacca. my grandparents wanted to go there. so my dad told him that we'll be going with them too. what the heck?=.=" oh but at the same time we're celebrating hari raya haji and perform a korban there. cant argue much i guess. lol.

14 - 20 dec:
i have to attend another o-level workshop that my mother had enrolled me in. it is from the same company. but this one different subject. thank you mummy for spending so much $$ on me. heh.xD

yeahh. i think the next couple of weeks, i'd probably be preparing for the school reopen. thank god i've done all my online assignments. (at least i think i have.) yay! what a busy holiday i had. gosh, someone shoot me. *faints*
i'll end it here for now. i hope i'll come back to write more posts. i need some sleep. my bed is calling me. goodnight.

2008-11-02T15:05:00.001+08:00

i've had enough of this, of you, of your not-willing-to-try attitude.please go away and dont come back.dont worry, i'm not going to miss you. *sheds tears*

2008-10-15T23:44:00.003+08:00

today after school, my classmates and i had to attend the 'Gene Explorer' course which was held at the Singapore Polytechnic. school ended at 1.30 so we had exactly 30 minutes to have a light lunch and set off by 2. our lesson today was held at the lab. we were given lab coats and were told to wear it for every lesson. we were briefed about the course and also the lab safety rules. we were also given a project task which was due on friday. our title was, "Alzheimer's and Dermentia - Are They Similar?" these diseases are progressive and fatal brain disorder that cause problems with memory, thinking and behaviour. they are fatal in a sense that it will kill you slowly and painfully by taking away your identity and also your thinking skills as the plaques and tangles have developed in the brain areas involved in: learning and memory, and, thinking and planning. as the brain cells are destroyed, the person may be paralysed as they are not able to control their movements. even if the person's body is perfectly healthy but the brain is dying, the body might not able to function properly and this may lead to death.
there, see? i think i've done a little bit of reading from the internet. it helps.(: well i've got to continue with my research now. till then.:D

2008-10-14T21:53:00.003+08:00

life has been so wonderful and less tensing now that the exams are over. but the getting back of our test papers made me go nervous all over again. oh well. anyway, i've been spending my days well after the exams and that includes sleeping. i had been sleeping late and had been constantly waking up super early just to read through the things i had studied beforehand for the paper i will be having later at 8. it had been a stressful period with the teachers rushing through all the past chapters we've learnt for the very last minute hoping that we can produce good results. i even sacrificed my hari raya so that i could finish up studying all the subjects. sigh sigh sigh. but yay! i'm pretty glad it's all over now. but mummy is going on and on about when i am going to start preparing for the o-levels. i was like, "dang! i just finished my finals!" and she was like, "you have to start early or you wont be fully prepared for next year." argh! oh well. anything that pleases you, mummy. haha!

2008-09-28T15:22:00.004+08:00

it had been pretty long since i logged in to the computer. yes, school is such a pain in the ass. or maybe it's just me. oh well, exams are like in two weeks time and i am so way behind. there're just too much to cover. i'm left with bio, chem, physics, geog, ss, 1/4 of a-maths and e-maths. well, practically every subject i take. arghh! oh and in anyways, zac is back. YAY!:DD i miss him super super much after he went MIA early this year. he was my valentine this year. *melts* i know how stupid this may sounds, i used to think i was in love with him. and i still keep all our conversations. and if he didnt go MIA, i think i'd fall head over heels with him for real. but i've got jon now and i'm happy.(:

2008-09-12T13:35:00.003+08:00

i had a pretty amazing day today. since today is my 3rd month with bf, he surprised me with roses the very moment i stepped inside the classroom. it was utterly sweet. i had no idea what he was up to when he told me to hurry up and get to the classroom. he slipped a bracelet in my hand with a little note that said, "Just something small for you. Hope you like it. Love, Jon" i thought that was sweet.(: so when i got to my classroom, my classmates were still standing outside. the classroom was lock. so much for hurrying up to get to the classroom. we had to wait for wafir and khairul to arrive with the key. pfft. so anyway, when i entered the classroom, yi fang was like, "Arinie, got flowers!" Eyes opened wide, i hurried to my seat and saw 3 roses on the table with 2 envelopes sealed with little hearts. aww, *melts*. i read the letter that he wrote. it sounded very sincere. i texted bf to say thank you. i was deeply touched by the things he did. i couldnt adequately express my gratitude to him. it was purely sweet.(:

thank you jon for everything you had done and shower me with. honestly i didnt know this meant alot to you. but well, i do now. i love you so much and nothing in the world can ever make this love go away. our love is never-ending right baby?(:

2008-09-01T23:07:00.003+08:00

today was the 1st day of fasting month.
it went surprisingly well.
i'm so proud of myself.
hahhs!
didnt do much today since i'm down with flu.
and i had to complete my social studies assignment which was really a pain in the ass.
argh!
bf was online today.
so i was tremendously happy when i saw an offline message from him as soon as i signed in.((:
ok, i'm not pissed at him anymore.
because i realised that i missed him super badly.
i cant wait till i get back.

baby,
i love you so much,
how much, you'll never know.
but most of all,
just know that right now,
i miss you so.
MMWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!:D

2008-08-29T23:10:00.004+08:00

sometimes you make me feel like i'm the only thing that matters.
sometimes i dont know what i mean to you.
sometimes you can be the sweetest guy on earth.
sometimes you can be such an asshole.
sometimes i feel like i know you.
sometimes you act like a whole different person.
sometimes i thought you love me deeply.
sometimes i dont know if your love is real.
i know i'm always giving you a hard time.
i'm sorry.
sometimes i dont know what i want anymore.
it's sickening, yes.
but baby, please understand.
i'm growing.
i'm learning.
and i'm trying so hard to do it fast.
before it is too late to finally realise that what i have now is something wonderful to be cherished.

2008-08-28T22:47:00.004+08:00

baby has a new girlfriend.
LOL!
the samsung omnia.
so i'm supposed to be jealous right?
ahhhahaa!xD

2008-08-27T22:18:00.003+08:00

yet another rainy day.
i miss bf so much.
rainy days somehow made me think of him all the time.
i dont think i ever expressed it enough, so i'll say them now.
jonathan, i love you to distraction,
and i would fall apart if i lost you.
not because of the things you shower me with,
but because i would truly, truly miss you as the person,
the human being that you are.♥

2008-08-26T22:28:00.003+08:00

it was rainy tuesday.
school was pretty amazing.
attended the tissue culture enrichment program which lasted for an hour or so.
it was unexpectedly fun.
lessons were as usual.
but man, maths lessons are killing me.=.=!

2008-08-24T00:49:00.003+08:00

i've always admired
the way you look at me,
the way you hold me,
the way you touch me,
the way you hug me tight, and don't ever wish to let go.
the way you caress me,
the way you lean onto me,
the way you feel me,
the way you kiss me, each time time i yearn for more.
the way you whisper in my ear saying how much you love me,
the way you waited up for all night just to hear my voice,
the way you missed me when we've only been away for an hour,
the way you make me believe true love really do exist.

baby, i know this is something new.
i've never felt this way.
so let's treasure this special thing we have
and promise it'll never fade away.
iloveyousomuch, jonathan.(:

2008-08-24T00:13:00.004+08:00

wow, so i didnt actually realise that i've not been updating this blog for some time.
i'm busy, let's just put it that way.
ahha!
CA term 3 had just finished.
and i dont think i did well this time.
mummy said i have to push harder for end of year.
it is so stressful, i could collapse anytime and will never return.
it's frightening enough to be living in this competitive atmosphere wher people only dream to succeed.
but it's ok,
i'll word hard to fulfill this dream of mine for the benefit of my future.
i'll make you proud, mum.(:

2008-08-08T20:34:00.002+08:00

today we had national day performance in school.
it was awesome.
i totally enjoyed myself during the finale part.
and yeah, we rocked it.(:

2008-08-08T00:47:00.001+08:00

it's 1247am.
and i'm still wide awake.
i'm on the phone with baby right now.
he's doing his d and t.
and the deadline is tomorrow.
what a bummer.
so i thought of staying up with him.
just to, you know, give him some company.
*grin*

2008-08-03T16:28:00.002+08:00

i just bought some fragrances and body scrub from body shop.
mmmmm.
i can't wait to go bathe.:D
today seemed rather dead, though.
bf had a visit to his grandma's.
ahhaaha!
and i just got home.
i'm suppose to be studying right now.
common test is tomorrow.
oh, what the hell.
fuck, i don't feel like studying.
maybe it's the weather.
oh well.
i'll just lock myself in the room, switch on the air-con and torture my brain cells.
yeah, that'll do.
alright, shall hit the books now.
goodbye.(:

i'll put down my shield, so you can slip into my dream. hha!*wink*

2008-08-02T13:33:00.002+08:00

i woke up today and my entire body parts were aching.
ok, maybe that was a little too exaggerating.
my legs and my back hurt so bad.
urghh!
oh well.
i had my morning exercise today.
ahhahaa!
went straight to shower after i finished breakfast.
i received a morning message from bf.
which reminded me about last night.
was on the phone with him after daddy had asked me to switch off the computer.
(i'm still pretty angry at him.)
and so we chatted about almost everything.
and he strummed me a few notes on his guitar which i've always liked.(((:
ILY, baby.(:

2008-08-01T00:36:00.001+08:00

had cross country just now.
as usual, i ran.
i thought of getting the top 5 position.
like that's going to happen.
i ended up getting the 10th place like last year.
which is not that bad though.
but i really wanted to get top 5.
hmph!
it's ok, there'll still be next year.
at least i received a trophy.teehees. :D
bf didnt attend the event as he had 1 week m/c.
and even if he did turn up, he can't run.
well, too bad for you baby.
haahs!
after the event, i had my lunch and went straight home with shuhada.
oh, i miss her badly man.
we did some sharing of stories.
and i really pitied her for having to go through all the bullshits with that guy.
but it's ok babe,
you know i'm always here right?(:

totally worn out, i fell asleep as soon as i got home.
until bf called me.
which had totally ruined my mood.
haha!
chatted with him about the cross country event.
and then, mummy entered my room giving me a scolding for not telling her that it's already 6.30 and she had to pick up my little sister.
what the hell.
continued chatting with bf and suddenly he received a call from mummy.
it was so funny and he couldn't get over it.
HAHA!
ended the call with bf and i went back to studying.(:

2008-07-28T18:01:00.003+08:00

bf's sick so he didnt come to school today.
and i miss him so much.
i haven't seen him for days.
let's see.
thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, monday.
ok so that's 5 days.
sigh.
oh anyway, school was just the ordinary.
nothing interesting happened during the lessons i had.
except for the fact that me, syuhaidah, wafir and danial didnt prepare anything for mother tongue presentation as we thought it was due on thursday.
oh bother.
we had our bio lesson at the bio lab.
it was fun in a way, i guess.
at least i didnt have to force meyself to stay awake when teacher is teaching like during theory lessons.
hhaha!
after school, i called bf.
he called me back.
and i asked him if he's getting better or not.
gaaaaaah! i miss him so much!
ok, i think i said that before already.
oh hell!
chatted with him for awhile as i made my way to the prefects' room.
we had prefects' photo-taking session.
it was hilarious.
we were so full of different poses.
and yeah, that was fun.
LOL!
i went home straight after the photo shoot.
and that was when i saw chiewy, han siang and suffyian.
=.="
there was supposed to be drama rehersal.
but i was too lazy to go since i've got heaps to do.
hehs.*wink*
so yeah that's it.
and i've been drilling myself real hard for the upcoming common test.
oh i hope it's worth it.(:

ps. baby, get well soon ok? ILY.(:

2008-07-19T23:42:00.002+08:00

i think i should start updating this blog often.
it seemed so dead.
it's not that i dont have the time.
ok wait, yeah i dont have the time.
that's part of the reason.
the other part?
i'm just too lazy to blog.
oh well, since i'm here, then i might as well blog about the horrendous week i had.

school had been ok.
i had a-maths test and chemistry on that week.
and it was such a short notice!
urgh!
i think i'm going to flunk a-maths.
damn it.
lessons were as usual.
only no more mr zur for social studies.
BOOOO!
i dont know if i'll be listening to this new one.
he's cute but he definitely doesnt know how to teach.
eewwww, i dont like him.
if only i could get jon to teach me.
mmpfh.
ok so, i wasnt given any homework for weekends.
at least, i think there wasnt.
hhaha!
but there's physics test on monday.
gaaaaahh!
darn it.
i seriously have no idea what to type next.
so goodnight.-.-"

2008-07-19T23:38:00.003+08:00

i dont think i can stand you anymore anyway.
so it's ok if you try to act all bullshit in front of me.
nice having you around. ___________________ NOT.

2008-07-15T22:13:00.002+08:00

i came to realise that relationships are beautiful if you know how to make it work.
but you cant expect everything to be perfect just like how you want it to be.
it is impossible.
and you'll end up ruining everything.

like jon and i.
we've went through alot.
both, the good times and the bad times.
there was this time we were on the verge of breaking up because of my mum.
mummy doesnt seem to like the idea of him being my boyfriend due to some reasons.
but then jon said that no matter what, we'll make it work.
he promised me that everything is going to be alright.
and he promised me some other stuff too.
it's not like i didnt want to give him my trust.
i just find it hard for me to do so.
because i am afraid of promises being broken.
maybe it takes time for me to be able to trust someone again.
but jon has always been there for me whenever i need him.
and he has always been tolerating with all the shit i've put him through.
thank you baby.

even though i may not be the one you've been looking for,
i promise i'll love you with all my heart.
i dont know if i can promise you forever,
but one thing i know for sure is that,
no matter what happens, i will never regret of having you.
i love you so much baby.(:

2008-07-12T23:11:00.002+08:00

the PHSA students just went back to the philippines.
and i'm already missing them!
*pulling sad faces*
i really, really, really hope to see them again.
maybe one day.
sigh.
i shared amazing experiences with them.
the endless practices we had.
the warm hugs we often exchange.
it was undescribable.
i will never forget the wonderful memories we had.
i could go on for days describing about the times we shared.
we've went through a couple but i felt the bond between us is so strong and special.
let's not waste this beautiful friendship we have.
and may it last for as long as we live.
i miss you all.(:

2008-07-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

you're self-centered, abusive, demanding, egoistic, and manipulative, and no one knows that better than i do.

2008-06-29T21:39:00.002+08:00

first week of school had been fine.
we had a change of teachers.
i'm beginning to like physics now.
even though, maria cant stop laughing at the teacher.
but who cares.
his teachings are way better.
first week of school hadnt been that tough yet.
but some of our subject teachers have been emphasizing on how near CA2 is and we should start preparing now.
man!=.="
how typical of them.
oh anyway.
the philippines people are coming and ayesha is getting me something from there!
yay!
ok, i should be doing my homework by now.
i havent even get started.
damn it.
till then.
toodles.(:

i love,love,love you so much.

2008-06-22T15:37:00.002+08:00

i've got alot of things in my mind that i wish to let out but i just can't seem to find the right words to express it.
oh well.
school's reopening tomorrow.
and somehow, for i dont know what reason, i cant wait to get back to school.
it weird, i know.
and it's not like i had a terrible holiday or anything.
in fact, i had an awesome one.:D
well maybe i missed my friends too much.
i havent seen them for ages.
and i bet about 65% of the people in school had a new haircut.
HA HA. right? right?
now THAT' S the best part.
i dont think there's much to talk about right now.
i'll blog later when i suddenly come up with something.(:

2008-06-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

hey guys!
sorry for not updating.
i've been pretty busy even after the philippines trip.
and i've got to apologise to my girlfriends for not able to spend time with them due to my hectic schedule.
but i guess i managed to squeeze some of my time to update this almost-dead blog of mine.((:
so let's start with the philippines trip.
well, first of all, i'd like to say, i miss all of them so much especially the theater arts people.
i didnt think i'll have fun there but surprisingly i did.
and let me tell you, it was amazing.
especially the welcoming part.
that was unforgettable.
if only i could record every minute i was over there and then post it here, i would.
but i couldn't.
so, i'm just going to share with you the experiences i had over there.
it was really different as compared to singapore.
it's like, every morning you wake up, you'll get to breathe in the freshly-scented air.
you dont get that often in singapore.
and during the night, you'll feel like as though the sky is so near to you that you can just touch itwith your bare hands.
and you can see that the sky is velvet blue with diamonds sprinkled all over.
oh my god, it was just so magnificent.
but it's differnt in manila.
in traffic wise, i guess you can compare it with singapore.
but you can get good prices in singapore's malls.
all of us went for shopping spree over there.
it was fun.
great prices for great items.(or is it suppose to be the other way round?i dont know.xD)
so the philippines wasnt that bad afterall.
but i have to admit that i missed singapore's food.
and most importantly my family.
yeahh, i missed them so much.
oh and jon too.
and shuhada, and maria, and faiqah, and farah, and all those friends whom i know of.
well at least all of it was worth it.
and now i'm starting to miss all my philippines friends.
we really really really had this great bond and it felt special somehow.
i cannot wait for them to come to singapore in july.
it's going to be a blast!
YAY!
ok anyway, i took plenty of pictures when i was there.
but i think it's too many and i didnt post some.
oh who cares anyway.xD
well take a look it's below.(:

2008-06-14T23:29:00.023+08:00

2008-05-27T07:31:00.002+08:00

i'll be flying off at about 5 hours time.
so i thought of blogging for the last time , you know, before i set off.((:
ok so i've packed my bags.
i'll be bringing two bags.
one luggage, another is hand carry.
man! it was big and heavy.
looks like i'm bringing my whole wardrobe!
i was quite exhausted after last minute preparation and at the sametime excited.
to all my friends, classmates and acquaintances please pray for my safety.
i love you guys and miss me okay! ((;

2008-05-24T21:34:00.002+08:00

i dont know what is happening right now.
i dont know whether this is right or wrong.
never in my life i've done anything like this.
i dont know why you see him as a pathetic jerk,
when all he did was to show me some love.
no, he didnt do anything which has made me feel insecure.
nor did he ever cross the boundary i have made.
in fact, he fully respects them.
maybe it's because he broke my heart, tore me into pieces and left me almost dying.
but then he was my first love afterall.
and first love are meant to be hurtful when it end.
i was young.
i was gullible.
how was i to know that it would turned out ugly?
but i'm older now.
and i can think much maturely.
and i dont mean i know what i'm doing and i dont need your advice.
i still do.
all i need now is your support.
well, i bet you dont know that he has changed.
and yes i see that he actually did.
i know this wont ever sound right,
but my feelings towards him is just so strong, that i dont think i'd ever forget about it even if i'm married to some other bloke.
so please, why cant you just give him another chance?
i mean everyone deserves another chance.
well, i did give him another chance.
i wanted to see if he was worth my love.
i am not planning to give it all away though.
i know my limits.
and i've learnt my lesson, trust me.
for once, mum.

2008-05-24T20:09:00.003+08:00

ok the school holiday's here.
and i am so super glad.
not to mention that i got to miss all the extra lessons during the first week.
hahahaaa!
but then again i will miss out alot. hmpf!
sometimes life is just not fair right?
oh well.
so anyway, i got back my report book.
and damn i flunked alot of them except for e-maths, chem and bio.
i kinda improved my a-maths.
but then my CA results pulled me down.
the rest were ok but seriously those marks have to be higher, man.
so, i didnt think i did well.
that means this holiday i seriously have to buck up.
but that doesnt mean i'm not going to be enjoying it.xD
alright, enough already about my studies.

so, the phillipines trip is going to be 3 days away.
and i'm not really looking forward to it.
but oh well, i'll have fun.
damn right i will.
ok, i have yet to pack up my things and i still havent buy all the stuffs i will be needing for the trip.
anyway, the flight will be leaving at 1.30.
and we got to reach school at around 9++,
depart from school at 10.
we'd probably be reaching the airport at around 11.
and then it's check-in time.
yeahh, that was what we were being told during the briefing.
oh and we'll reach the Manila airport at around 4 something that is, if everything else runs smoothly.
we'll be staying in the mountains, which i suppose should be cooler than singapore's temperature.
AND we were told not to wear home clothes while we're there.
yeah, that pisses us off.
lol.
but oh well, it's a school trip afterall.
and whatever it is i really do hope we'll have loads of fun, yeah?((:
alright, till next time.

2008-05-14T18:13:00.004+08:00

alright so the results were out.
and, i'm gonna to admit that i didnt do pretty well.
i thought i did , though.
and it's just so disappointing.
because i thought i had studied real hard.
i mean, i know i did.
but maybe just not hard enough, i suppose.
there were a couple of subjects i thought i did pretty ok.
the others.. well you know.
they turned out to be so disappointing.
damn.
well everyone wasnt really happy about their results.
but you know what?
it's ok.
there's still end of year.
and i'm sure all of us will strive to be the best.
i know we will.
sigh.
now i shall just look forward for the phillippines trip though there's nothing to look forward to.
pfft!

2008-05-10T22:40:00.004+08:00

today was awesome!
went to sentosa with dear.
it was perfectly wonderful.
i had a splendid time with him.(:

and so, dear fetched me from home.
he had to wait for about 1 hr or so for me to get ready.
but hey, it wasnt my fault.
he didnt tell me he's gonna reach there early.
so yeahh.
anyway, i'm sorry bby.
ok so anyway, we took the 188 bus to harbourfront.
and man!
the journey was endless.
it was so long and tiring.
but we did some talking along the way so it was not that bad as what i expected.
as soon as we reached, dear bought the tickets to sentosa.
we didnt take the skytrain.hmpf!
took the bus instead.
but oh well.
it was still fun.
we alighted the bus and dear took me to the merlion area where it'd been newly renovated.
snapped a couple of pictures, mostly of me.xD
and surprisingly enough, he rocks at taking pictures.
after that, we went to see the attractions.
then we set off to the tanjong beach,
which was the most unforgettable part. ;)
it was beautiful.
the place, i mean.
after a few hours enjoying the sea breeze,
we decided to get out of the place.
and from the beach we walked all the way to the train station.
can imagine how far was it?
man!
and i got blisters between my toes.
pfft.
so anyway, we took the skytrain to vivo.
had our dinner there.
then, we set off home.
and didnt bump into syuhaidah!):
took the 188 bus again to cck interchange.
and, omgayy!
it was so bloody cold laa in the bus.
i was freezing like hell.
but then dear kept me warm to keep me from getting chilled.haha!
reached home at around 9 plus.
which was late.
but who cares anyway. teehees.
had a great time with dear today.
he said he'll bring me to some posh restaurant the next time.
wellllll, we'll see.
hahahahaaa!
then i'll stressed out about figuring out what to wear!
oh man!xD
alright, i think i'll stop here for now.
i'll blog tmrw!(:

thank you bby for your time today. i love you.(:

2008-05-09T19:28:00.006+08:00

it's been a hectic weeks for me but then
something really amazing happened on the 3rd may.
it was the day that i would never forget.
when i heard the "news", my smile went from non-existent to ear-to-ear .

i was in a state of euphoria.

was this a joke?

naah, i don't think so.

it felt real and IT IS REAL.
one half of me secretly wanted to ... aarghh,
the other half was grossed out at the thought of it.
my heart racing, my knee went weak.
and i had butterflies fluttering in my stomach!
all of a sudden i felt like someone stealing my breath away.
i'm gasping for breath and kept "deflating" myself... lol.

i am happy now, in fact

i'm beyond happy(:

it was a very memorable moment i wish to treasure and
i just can't stop thinking about it.
even now.((:

2008-05-09T18:04:00.004+08:00

jyeah!
exams are finally over.
good heavens.
i can now have the time of my life.
ok so, exam papers are quite hard.
wait no, it was very difficult.
but some subjects were ok.
good thing i did some studying.
oh well, it's over now anyway and i'm bloody glad.
yeahh, baby!
for now i'll just have to wait for the goddamned results.
hmpft!

2008-04-11T23:03:00.009+08:00

and so, it seems like it's been a very long time since i last blog.

i am busy with alot and alot of stuffs, that's why.

and hence, my blog seems dead now.

ok, so anyway,

today we had award's day!
it was extremely extremely incredible.
i had tons of fun with my friends. especially the drama people.

it was great!

though i think i kinda messed up the emcee part.

it was so embarrassing.

but i managed to pull it through in the end.

i guess.

gosh!

oh well, the emcee part wasnt a big thing to me.

i was only excited for the performance.

which i think we had done our best.

even belinda said it was magnificent.

well most importantly we enjoyed ourselves and we managed to kick their asses off!

hhahahaa!

oh, and i snapped ALOT of pictures during and after the event.

here they are!(:

(me, yu xiang!, chiew tong!)

CANDID! (ft, ms.andrea!)

(before the ceremony starts.)

RANDOM SHOTS!

(me, chiewy, chiewy, me)

navneet.♥ farah.♥

sylvia.♥ qeera.♥

maria.♥ lisa.♥

ain.♥ amee.♥

loloo.♥ naja.♥

steph.♥ geraldine.♥

sarah.♥ so, this was candid!

AFTER PERFORMANCE!(:

jonathan.♥ (picture very funny!)

so yeahhh.

there were tons more of others.

it's either i'm too lazy to upload it,

or i dont look good in some of them.

yeahh.

hhaha!

ok, so that's it!

i really really really had a marvellous time.

somehow, it felt special.(:

2008-03-10T19:55:00.002+08:00

yeeeaaahh!
back.
and this is the first time that i feel so good to be back.
really.
camp was ok.
the duration was ok too.
except that they shouldnt have start it in the eveing.
or else nothing will go according to plan.
so, the food was the usual.
buffet at the last night.
there were other cca having camps too.
yeahh, that's all about it.
we had a few activities which i thought were ok too.
idk.
everything seemed ok i guess.
ok, well enough about camp.
yesterday it was sister's birthday.
we surprised her as soon as i got back from the camp.
she cried.
HAHAHA!
she thought we forgot her birthday.
and that's why she was all moody throughout the day, according to mummy.
ahahhahaaa!
ok yeahh.
so that's it.
i'm so bored to blog man.
haiyo!

ok, you confessed.and i'm impressed.(:

2008-03-06T23:19:00.003+08:00

OKAY!
i'll be away for camp.
for three whole days.
and i dont think i'll be enjoying it since i'm already pissed off by certain matters.
oh man.
good thing the following day after camp is holiday.
YEAH!
but pathetically it's only 1 week.
and yet we still have to come to school.
for extra lessons.
gosh.
it wont seem like a holiday anymore when every subject teachers are filling us with tons of holiday assignments that have to be completed by term 2.
so yeahh.
camp, then cca and extra class.
oh well, i'll be updating about the camp when i get back then.(:

but baby, you're miles away.

2008-02-29T19:53:00.003+08:00

school's great.
even though it's a little weird to admit it.
especially because i've got this little information and that made me tremendously happy.
hhahaaa!
ok, the teachers had shown us our overall marks for CA.
and i didnt do that well.
those marks were ok.
just not satisfying enough.
i seriously have to buck up, man.
no more fooling around.
next week, i'll be having another camp.
no, i dont think it'll be like the previous one.
well, that's what i hope for.
and now i'm like, shit another camp?
ok,today's leap day!
happens once every four years.
so, will have to cherish everything that has happened today,ok?(:

will be blogging next time then.(:

STOP flirting, for goodness' sake.it's pissing me off.

2008-02-24T23:56:00.006+08:00

YAY!
just got back from camp in malaysia, kluang.
camp was ok.
i couldnt say it sucked.
i mean, we still had fun after all.
well, sometimes.
ahaah!
OK.

Day 1

arrived school at 7.20;
had attendance taking and giving out of passports.
at 8 plus we set off.
along the way, in the bus, the boys were making alot of noise.
which made me super irritated.hah!
so anyway, when we reached there, at around 12noon,
we were told to pitch up our tents.
then after that we were divided into 5 different clans.
and we were teamed up with 3-1.
our clan name was COURAGEOUS.
we had our lunch next.
man, it was pathetic.
ok, every meal was.
after lunch we were told that the girls have to sleep in bunks due to safety reason.
so we carried our bags up the hill where the bunk is.
which was like infested with huge insects.
urghh!
the activity we had on the first day was "against time"
where we were supposed to complete each station before we moved on to the next.
it's like a telematch game.
when we reach the last station, syuhaidah volunteered to be the victim.haha!
kai ler, wafir and jun kang were the ones throwing water bombs at her.
and after we done the whole thing, instructor liza told us to take two water bombs each to throw at each other.
then the boys were aiming at me and i ran like mad.
tsk!
jonathan and wafir were chasing each other and throwing bombs at one another.
after that activity, it was wash up time.
then, dinner.
and again the food sucked.
we had dinner under the stars.
it was full moon at that time.
and the scenery was magnificent.
after dinner, we discussed about the campfire performance.
and then, lights out!

Day 2

woke up at 4.30.
i couldnt sleep.
those bugs kept biting.
tsk!
had breakfast.
it was ok.
then headed to the kayaking area.
kayaking was FUN!
though it was very very extremely muddy.
but me and alaine did have tons of fun.
right alaine?
hahahh!
after kayaking was lunch.
i couldnt remember what food they served us, but i knew it sucked.
so after lunch was rafting.
but too bad we couldnt continue the activity because there was some burning of "i-dont-know-what"going on.
and the smoke kept coming to our side.
so we played a differnt activity which was wacko and "blow wind blow".
that, i had fun.
then we headed to the showers,
and dinner was served.
at night, we had night walk.
it was not scary at all.
rather, it was boring.
after night walk was supper and then lights out!

Day 3

had breakfast, this time it was nasi lemak.
at least it was a little bit better.
played an activity called "going the distance"
where we were supposed to find stickers that contained some letters.
we only got 4 and then we gave up.
ahaa!
but we were still the first group who completed all 4 stations.
had lunch, chatted with hizran about this awful camp.
then went hiking.
hiking was surprisingly ok.
we didnt reach the top.
hmpf!
we got back to the campsite at 6 plus which means we had no time to bathe!
because after dinner we will be having campfire.
campfire was BORING!
even though we had real bonfire this time. hah!
the activity was totally boring.
after that, had supper.
supper was nice!
it was roti prata and ramli burger.
after supper lights out!

Day 4

everyone was so restless because it was time to go home!
aaaaaaahh!
we did area cleaning.
followed by lunch.
by 2 plus we boarded the bus.
but then we left at around 3 plus.
reached singapore at around 5.
when the bus entered singapore, all of us were like "can borrow phone?can borrow phone?i need to call my mummy."
including me of course.
hahhah!
and then finally reached school!
bid farewell to the instructors and then headed home with farah.
waaaaahh!
i didnt realise i typed so long.
hope didnt bore you, lol.
well i guess i'll end it here then.

so you see, camp was not so bad after all.
at least we got to know one another better.
and of course thanks ms eng, who treat us dunkin donuts!
from this 4 days 3 nights camp, i've learned the importance of being independant.
and be thankful that we are living in a clean environment.
with sparkling, not-flooded toilets.
hhaha!
yeahh.
i guess that's about it then.
ok, good night people!(:

i miss zachary aaridz indreson truckloads.xD

2008-02-19T21:21:00.003+08:00

i will be leaving for another few more hours,
so i'd just like to say something before i go.
yeahh.
tomorrow untill saturday, the school will be having cohort camp.
and ours, unfortunately is at kluang, malaysia.
and we will be sleeping in tents with 5 people inside it, in the middle of the jungle, i suppose.
and the toilets..
omg, the toilets.
urghh!
we were shown pictures of our campsite during the briefing,
and man!
the toilets are disgusting!
shit.
ok, enough about the toilets.
i just hope that the rest of the facilities are ok.
sigh!
what i really cant imagine is that, 3 nights in the tent?
oh well, i'll update as soon as i get back from the camp.
which, i'm very sure is going to make my skin feels horrible.
tsk!

OK.
school's been fine the last few days.
though i've been sick throughout the week.
but it was still bearable.
the usual tons of homeworks from every subject teacher,
tests which occur almost everyday,
they were fine.
except that i felt i didnt really do well in those tests.
and really really really have to buck up for the next upcoming tests.
well, class was fine.
and i realised it's getting a little too noisy.
duh, it's february and most of them have shown their true colours.
anyhow they're still a bunch of nice, hardworking, smart people.
oh, and i'm also quite pissed about some stuffs happening in class.
ok, no.
VERY pissed.
pfft!
but oh well.
i cant say much here.
so, yeahh,
till next time then.
i am so going to blog about the camp.
tsk.
(:

there is this guy, i think i love him.♥

2008-02-13T22:45:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry i haven't posted in awhile.
it seem that this blog is dead,

so well, let me just update some stuffs which had happened yeah.

i've been busy and not much has been happening in my life other than schooling.
i still have loads of revision and homeworks to be done but hopefully we'll catch up on things.
hmmm…well school was stressful but I enjoy every moment of it especially with my gfs around. they make my life a little energetic..
you know what I mean..hahah.

give it a shot?nah.

2008-02-05T22:29:00.001+08:00

and yes, i am right for saying i'll be blogging next month.
HA HA.
i didnt really had a good time in school.
but then some people,
ok no, someone cheered me up.
so i am very thankful towards him.
school was ok.
the usual.
but after i got back my maths paper, i felt contented.
it was unexpected.
i hope to do better in the near future.
and yes!

chinese new year is tomorrow.
i can spend my entire day resting.
i've had enough of books and numbers already.
i really deserve to go out and treat myself.

hha!

2008-01-31T16:43:00.000+08:00

i'm not in the mood of falling in love.
i am never going to get involve in any relationships.
friends, yes.
more than that?
maybe no.
perhaps i'm being such a bitch lately.
but really you guys,
i am having a hard time lately.
and it feels so good after breaking down.
and how good it was that not even a single person knows.
i dont blame them, though.
they've been so busy with their own lives.
so yeah.
i'll end it here for now.
i wont be blogging so soon.
maybe next month.xDD

2008-01-18T22:46:00.001+08:00

alright, it's been such a very long time since i last blogged.
so, i'll just make it short.
school has been really stressful.
teachers kept giving us tons of homework.
and more tests are coming up.
now, see why i cant blog often?
ahahaa!

i do not love you anymore laa ok?
stop flashing your face in front of me ,making me want to puke.
god!
i'm done with you.
so for the last time,
get a life man.

2008-01-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

this is for maui girl,oi.

i know you've been having a hard time.

it must have been getting out of hand.

yes, i can see that.

i am glad that i could help.

if i could have the chance,

i would punch that person upside down.

but i know by doing so,

it wont make you happy.

i know he means alot.

that is why hating him wont solve the problem.

it sucks,yes?

that's when i come along.

and it's my job to calm you down.

saying that everything is going to be alright.

and i'll make sure it will be.

then we'll go for man-hunting together.

to wash away all your sorrows.

breaking another person's heart wont make your own heart heal.

you know that too right?

thought sometimes we may find it amusing and exciting.

but,well.

i guess it's not fair for the other party too, right?

we really need to go out ehh?

hahahaaa!

i cant wait.

till here then.

2007-12-26T14:14:00.000+08:00

i'm back baby!

i miss my girlfriends.(:

ok, i had a blast.

didnt really shop over there though.

i almost bought a volcom bag.

a backpack.

but then, mum said that it's very bulky and we'll go other places to search for my schoolbag..

so i put back on the shelves.

hmpf!

and hence, i didnt buy anything.

well except for some apparels.

here are the pictures.(:

kak diana's car.(it's a merc.cool kan?)

restaurant.

marsha elisha.cute kan?((:

starbucks, mocha praline frappuccino.

family.(:

canberra. oh, carriage.
candid!kak nana snapped it.

there're plenty more at kak ira's camera.i'll ask her to send them to me asap.(:

2007-12-08T19:23:00.000+08:00

on friday, i went out with my babe, shuhada.

i missed her like hell.

therefore we had alot to talk about the moment we met.

it was so much fun!

well, my purpose of going out is to see her and of course check out on the hotstuffs.

there were so little of them.

it was probably because of the wet weather that day but god, it was pathetic.

ok so let me just point out a few of which that caught my eye.

one, at heeren's new urban male.

he's the one with super beautiful hair.

one, at skatepark.

too bad shuhada didnt get to see him upclose.(ahaa!xD)

and another one at bugis.

this one's a caucasian.

he's the hottest among the few.

and the rest well, i saw them on the road while we were walking.

and that's it.

pathetic, yea, i know.

OH! OH!

we met Utt along the way!

gaaaaaaahh!

uh-huh, he sure is HOT!

hhaaha!

i had buckets of fun hanging out with my darling girlfriend.

oh, we took plenty of pictures too.
here.(:

and so the day begun with the both of us.

ok,my fringe tak sikat.hehhs.

my bitch.

this is why we're hot.

no comments.

shuhada featuring..her sex bands!

grey was that day's colour.

shorrrtaayyy!tapi aku sayang kau laa ok.(:

ok. some lunatic just got unleashed,i suppose.

your sweetest fantasy.COCK-EYE!HA HAworn out.

i love you girlfriend!(:

2007-11-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

went out today with mum.
i thought of buying shoes for sch.
but then it's still early.
so, we just went for window shopping and end up splurging money on food intsead.
aha!
nothing really exciting happened.
god, i feel sick already.
there's still one whole month of holiday.
shit.
i dont feel any excitement in life already.
everything seems so dull and boring.
hmph!
i need to spent my money laa!
or i'll be bored to death.
sheesh!:(

2007-11-23T17:52:00.000+08:00

i thought it's just another stupid fling i"ll get whenever i see you.
it had to be.
but then no matter how hard i tried to bury those feelings,
i still have trouble doing it.
and no matter how hard i tried to force myself not to see you eye to eye,
i still do.not in a purposely way though.
you keep poisoning me with those sweet words of yours and your gentle touch.

do you have any ideas how long it took me to get over you??
and when i thought i did,
you appear back in my life.
ooh boy, i had fun with you.
alot.
and i cherish every moment we spent together.
the laughter we shared,
the phases we've been through together,
the songs you sang specially for me,
and the secrets you whispered in my ear.
those tiny fragments pieces of us, i've still kept it some place in my heart.
but,love,
i have a life to live.
and maybe this life doesnt need to include you.
i loved you.
this time whenever i see you,
i swear, those feelings will never show again.
goodbye sweetest thing.♥

2007-11-19T17:39:00.000+08:00

holidays are such a bore at times.

i just got back from 2 pathetic camps.

really.

my week was terrible, i tell you.

well, first,thanks seniors for your hard effort in trying to make the camp a success for us.

personally i prefer prefect camp than drama camp.

perhaps i was having pms that time.

but some of my friends said they'd rather stay at home and rot,

rather than coming to drama camp.

well, drama camp was not that bad.

except for certain parts.

but overall both camps were ok.

and i think i really had pms that time.period.

oh can we please have much more nicer food?

hahaa!

2007-11-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

when they called out that name, "ziq!".

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! ok.i'm going to class 3-10!!
yeah.
apparently, there are 4 normal acad classes now, if i'm not wrong.
and that's why i'm in 3-10.
i was extremely glad.really.
because at first, i thought i'll be in 3-9.
so i went to the 3-9 list to see if my name is there.
i scanned through it for about 3-4 times and i didnt see my name in that list.
in my head i was like, "No, this cant be happening.Shit!"
and then, maria came up to me and said, "Arinie, next year you'll be in the same class as me!We're in 3-10!!And you'll be taking triple science!"
i was like, oh, there's 3-10?
hha!
so silly of me.
ok, yeahh i know.
baaahaaa!
so, i'll be taking triple science next year.
yay!
i got to work extremely hard now.
no more slacking.
otherwise i'll drop to the bottom.
i dont want that to happen.
sheesh.it's going to be tough next year.
oh!
i'm very suprised to see hizran and sharizan in the 3-9 list.
waah.best la.
same mt class kan kan?
haha!ok.
well, that's about it.
i'll end it here then.((:

2007-11-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

sometimes...

what you want doesnt mean you can have it,

what you think doesnt mean you understand,

what you feel doesnt mean is love,

what you say doesnt mean is true...

i met this guy in the net a few months ago.

he does seem like a nice person and i really enjoy chatting with him.

he’s different from other guys that i met in the net.

he’s polite and very interesting to chat with.

recently, after knowing him a little better,

we decided to exchange our mobile number(which i rarely do).

we sms-ed almost everyday and frankly i enjoyed his company.

though we never meet in person, i always regard him as one of my friends.

we can easily talk about anything and everything.

recently, he hinted that he is into me and wants to go out on a date.

i’m flattered but i'm not ready for any relationship and i am not interested in him in that way.

how do i turn him down gently without hurting his feeling?

i’m really in dilemma and i didn’t know what to do.

i thought if i would give it a try, i mean,

everyone says there's no harm in making new friends, right?

but i do not want to mislead him with the wrong signals.

i do seriously want to be his friend but NOT his girlfriend.
the truth is, i'm a coward...

i have phobia...you see...

i'd been in and out of relationship and it made me "sick"...

however, like what i said, he does seem nice and i enjoy talking to him.

so...should i just admit and tell him straight to his face that he isn't someone i consider for a romantic relationship?

or just avoid him whenever his on-line and ignoring his sms-es.
well, i'd been ignoring him lately...

i know i'm bad...

he's going to hate me for sure but i hope he understands

and i pray that he'll find his soulmate someday.

sorry haadi...

maybe we'll meet again in the future...

hmm...

maybe...;)

2007-11-05T20:19:00.000+08:00

i had fun today.

finally.god!

went out to buy that skinnys mum promised me.

then i found out that it was 2 size bigger if i'm not wrong.

so, met up with shuhada and the rest.

we went straight to penni and i asked for change of sizes.

and it fit just nicely.

ask shuhada.xDD

i liked the part where i saw shuhada's hair in person.

seriously.

she looked like those japanese actress you see on tv.

i'm like, "babe, what's with the fringe?shit, i love it!"

and she was like, "oh then stop touching it for goodness sake.*giggles*"

hahaaha.

along the way shuhada was cracking up.

and and!

i saw ryan!!

but he's not as good-looking in pictures.
but he was cute alright.haha.
throughout the outing shuhada made my day.

i wasnt feeling all cheery in the morning.

thanks, girlfriend.(:

2007-11-02T14:23:00.000+08:00

i guess i'll be back updating this blog eyy.
and yeahh, i've decided to make this blog not private again.
i mean, what's the point right?haha.
supposed to be going out today to buy new pair of skinnys.
and mini dress and new scarf for the outing.
but then dad decided to use the car at the very last minute.
wth?
so i didnt go anywhere today.
wanted to watch the new movie farah mentioned to me.
maybe will be watching it on monday then.hmpf.
i've been having different feelings mixed into me.
yes.
but somehow i'm feeling really happy now.
i dont know why.

i'm bored laa.

someone accompany me klua ehh?

anything text.xDD

2007-10-31T15:41:00.000+08:00

sorry i haven't posted in awhile it must be because

i haven't done much in school to brag about!

my grades for eoy still looks the same,
so this must mean that i am at least maintaining the grades instead of improving to it.

well, maybe just a teeny weeny improvements.
so i guess i need to buck up and hope for the best next year.
hari raya was ok to begin with and i really enjoyed the festive foods
and especially the ‘green’ packets. haha.
my haul this year was not much and it turned out that i spent more than i saved!
right now i’m planning and list out what to do during school holidays,
nothing fancy really.

just to feel up and ‘wasting’ time to survive!

2007-10-23T15:54:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry things couldnt work out between the two of us.
i tried so hard to satisfy you.
but you never did a thing to satisfy me.
i know what i did hurt you terribly.
but then it's for my own good.
i know you might think that i'm such a selfish bitch.
but i did this for your own good too, without you realising it.
i dont want you to get hurt even worse.
i'm sorry if my doings had caused hatred between us.
i am sure that i did the the right thing.
and that is to let you go.
and i hope you'll do the same thing to me too.
i wish you best of luck in life.
and once again, i'm sorry i couldnt be the 'one'.
so long, my dear friend.(:

2007-10-12T21:31:00.000+08:00

exams are over.
and hari raya's tmrw.
couldnt life get any better.
well, sorry for the lack of updates.
i've been really busy these few weeks.
with exams.
and preparations for raya and stuffs.
it was all worth it though, i guess.
my eyebags got worse during the exam period.
it's like bulging out and looked so disgusting.
and now, everynight i had to put slices of cucumber on my eyes.
haha!
alright let me summed up what happened these last few weeks.
everything that's on my mind was exams.
and so, i studied like hell and stayed up late at night to mug.
i hope it's all worth it though.
and then on the last day of the main paper which was on wednesday,
i suggested a break up.
and saddam was okehh with it.
so yeah.we're finally over now.
so anyway, on thursday, i accompanied my mum to geylang to get my kebaya.
and then went to causeway point to buy those container for putting kuehs and stuffs.
it was crowded with people doing their last minute preparations.
which includes us, of course.
haha.
and just now i had to accompany mum again to the market.
did some cleaning up at home.
talked to haadi for awhile.
and then it's time for buka.
it feels like yesterday's the first day of puasa.
how time flies.
right now, i'll just get happy about tomorrow.
oh i cant wait.((:

2007-09-21T14:18:00.000+08:00

i'm shacked.
totally.
i mugged and mugged and mugged.
and now i'm still mugging.
gosh!
it's been a rough week.
with fasting and all.
and it seemed that i felt i have class test every single day.
and also art prep work to be done.
it's so frustrating.
and the most frustrating part was when the malay students doesnt even know how to fast.
and they still have the cheek to eat in front of me making me salivate.
oh, come on!
sheesh!
so anyway, back about my week.
to sum it up, it was a bit hectic.
and tiring.
oh well, all this have to be done to get to a good class next year.
so i guess i'm willing.
though, it's fasting month.
and i kept getting thirsty okehh.
seriously thirsty.
like the children in africa feels.hehs.xD
oh, and afiq got canned by mr nathan.
because he insulted the teacher.
it sounded painful.
but he really deserved it since he had done a lot of trouble these days.
so yeahh, i guess that's it.
i'm thinking of making this blog open to everyone.
i'll think about it.
till then.

2007-09-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

so today was fun.
especially during british council.((:
and i met nuoro herman.
who was , unfortunately the only hot one in my class.
ahaa!
gaaah.
and he suddenly talked in malay to me.
i was,of course shocked.
with his indonesian accent and all.
who wouldnt be smitten?
haha!
but then he smoke.
i didnt think he was that kind of person.
well , oh he is.
and he was fasting too.
and at 7.05 we break fast together.
and i had to share my drink with him.=.="
when we were dismissed , we walked together to the mrt station.
during the journey from marsling to choa chu kang , he told me that he got whacked and stuff.
then he showed me all his bruises.
and that was when i saw his abs.
teehees!
he told me he stays at yew tee.
but then he accompanied me till choa chu kang.
so , he alighted at choa chu kang, together.
then i told him saddam was fetching me
and that he could go off first if he want to.
he wanted to accompany me wait for saddam sia!
but then i reluctantly told him that saddam's already waiting for me.
and so i missed the perfect chance.boo!
so there was saddam waiting for my arrival.hah!
he was like,"Wah go tuition also must dress nicely uhh?"
and i was like..duh?
he kept playing with my scarf and twirl it round and round till i made him stop.
he asked me if i wanted to eat anything first or not.
i said no.
then took bus 307.
there were a lot of regent students going for terawih.
and they were like looking at me and saddam.
and i was so paiseyy uh.
pfft.
so anyway , saddam sent me to the lift and waved me goodbye.
and to my surprise he said, "I love you".haha!
and then luckily the door closed so i didnt have to respond.hehs.xD
so that's why i really like today.
and i especially like british council now.((:

2007-09-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

and i uncover the the other side of you.
oh , sick.

2007-09-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

girls are fickle creatures.
most guys are clueless of what girls want.
but if they really love us,
shouldn't they learn to keep up on our ever-changing wants?
duh.
like that's going to happen.
i may want you to msg me every night,
send me home everyday,
call me every weekends,
but sometimes i want some space to breathe too.
at times i only need my girlfriends , and just being alone the next.
it's not that i don't know what i want but it just that i'm not sure what i want.
yeah , its complicating.
so , if you want to be part of my life;
bear with me,
be supportive,
let me be myself,
pamper me,
trust me,
and don't take me for granted.
i dont ask you to buy me gifts and stuffs.
i just want an understanding boyfriend.
that's all i asked for.
sigh.

2007-09-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

oh god!
it seemed like i'm having a day from hell.
i dont know what's going on with my relationship with him.
maybe it's time to let it go.
everything just falls apart.
he didnt even bother to text me anymore.
or whatever.
ok yes.he did call me.
but that's it.
and even that,
he called me at midnight expecting me to wait by the phone for his call.
how pathetic is that?
it's surprising though,that now we're already 1 month long.
it felt so fast.
i'm not sure of my feelings towards him anymore.
i'm sick and tired thinking about this.
i dont want it to cloud my mind.
i guess i still do love him.
if not i wouldn't even bother to write this post.
all i know is that,
i'll be ok if he leaves me.

2007-09-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

yay!beach-ing was a hell out of fun. went to siloso just now.

but the weather was killing me.

and i think i almost suffered from heat stroke.

i am not kidding.

the heat was practically burning my skin.

so anyway,went with my family.

cousins and aunts.

granddad and granny.

haha.

we played frisbee.

and even though i'm not good at throwing,

i did quite well with catching.

i guess.

then,we rent bicycles.

and i fell while riding up this stupid hill.

but thank god i wasnt injured.

but it's embarrassing though.

ehehhs.xD

besides the scorching hot weather and the fact that i fell,

i still enjoyed the whole outing.

it was great.

and i like the scenery.

the water's fine and so were the people.

lolls!

2007-09-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

i went to the gym with shuhada.
did a great work out today.haha.
it was amazing to see people actually go to the gym and exercise.
especially when after every work out,me and shuhada will weigh ourselves.
ahaa!yes.to see if we actually lose some kgs.lolls!
and then the guys will weigh themselves to see whether they've gained any weight.
funny huh?
but oh well.
i eat.
i exercise.
so i'm perfectly healthy,i suppose.
i just want to build up some stomach muscles.
and arm muscles too.
gaaah.i seriously yearned for those.
yay!i'll be off to the gym again tmrw.((:

2007-09-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

teachers' day performance was great.
i totally love the opening.
a band called "simple notecase".
they were amazing.
pretty much.
the next energetic perfomance was one by the dance group,"deja la fame".
they were great too.
but cant be compared to the one by th "dc crew"
theirs was awesome.
and as in seriously.
i like theirs better.alot more better in fact.
and yeah.that's basically it.
the rest were just singing singing singing.
and they bore the hell out of me.
anyway,i was the emcee.
and i really hope i did a great job.
eventhough there were some held up backstage.
but aside form that everything went smoothly i guess.
ex-regenites were seen everywhere.
good thing i recognise bunch of them.
well what i remember was,i felt amazingly happy on that day.
it was like a magical moment.
well,something did happened.
and shuhada's the only one who knows.
*wink*

2007-08-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

IT IS HOLIDAY.AND I'M BORED DAY BY DAY.
dear never msg me today.
and yesterday.
and the day after yesterday.
god!i'm so ohfucking bored.
i understand that he's busy "studying",which i'm not sure if he really does or not,for his n-levels.
but the least he could do is call up on me right?
or just leave me a message.
but then nah-uh.
none.
no news or anything from him.
oh wells.
i kinda got a little tired thinking about our relationship.
whether if it is going to an end.
that's why i got side tracked that i think,
i'm having a tiny tiny crush on rendra since i saw he's oh-so-gorgeous abs,
with my very own naked eye.
how amazing was that huh?
seriously!god!
but then again it's not wrong to have a fling on someone else right?
it's not like i'm married to saddam or anything.
haha!
omg omg omg!
and i just cant get over the fact that rendra is so ubber hot.
gaaaah!(:

2007-08-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

oh hello.
okehh right now i'm feeling so pissed.
i really cant stand the sight of that tall girl.
like seriously,come on laa!
i've had enough of you trying to harrass my boyfriend.
and even though you knew that i am currently his girlfriend,
you seemed so oblivious about the fact that saddam dont even fancy you.
for god's sake you're tall.
you're not pretty.
you're not cute.
okehh?!
so what makes you think that he'll change his mind about me and suddenly finds himself interested in you?
like that's gonna happen.
not in a million years.
so dont go on writing shit at your blog.
it's not as if i'm jealous that my boyfriend is being admired.
i'm totally fine with that.
but puh-lease!
this is going beyond the line.
you cant go around spreading news saying that you and him ever contact.
that's total bullshit.
for once,i dont know what's so attractive in saddam that made you so smittened by him.
oh for crying out loud!
i dont know which part of "saddam is already attached" you dont understand.
my god!
just leave my boyfriend alone,tall girl.
eewwhh!

2007-08-17T16:21:00.001+08:00

my blog seems dead by now,i suppose.
i miss blogging.
and i miss him.
i havent been going home with him since last tuesday.
that's because he was so busy with his dnt portfolio.
and he'll be going home late,say,5.30 or later.
he cant expect me to wait for him till late evening.
i've got stuffs to do at home.
and this week was really a stressful one.
there're a few tests happening in just one week.
it's tiring.
so yeahh.i miss him.
i was abit angry at him though.
because of the fact that he did not acknowledge me as his girlfriend.
but now i guess i fully understand why.
okehh this was what he said:
"I think you are great in your own ways.
I just want you to be yourself but when you're being yourself,
I think you just got carried away.
I want you to be better.
I want the good you where i can tell everyone that you are my girlfriend.
I'm not saying that i'm not proud of you.
I just want you to change a bit.
And I can guarantee you that this will last long if we're like this for a long time.
But i really hope that this will last long,
cos I love you so much dear."
seriously,at that moment i nearly brokedown.
my heart skipped a beat.
it was shocking.i didnt expect him to bring up that topic.
and then i finally realised that maybe i'll change for the benefit of both of us.
i respect his thoughts of me.
aside from feeling embarrassed and hurt,i felt loved too.
i love him alot now.
but i'll try not to have high hopes on him.
because i know how it will feel eventually.
i've experienced it.
twice.
and i never want it to happen again.
i felt pathetic and wasted and bruised.
so that's why,i've decided to start all over again.
but this time,we'll be moving slow.
it's better this way.
we'll get to know each other's true self and well being.
it's important for couples to know each other's background in order to have a healthy relationship.
of course every relationship has it's ups and downs.
it's a matter of how you handle situations when it's down.
and you cant possibly have a relatioships with all downs.
so that's why i'm willing to change for the sake of this relationship.
i want it to last.
so does he.
i know that he loves me and so do i.

i love you sweetheart.
i really do.(:

2007-08-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

sunday was supposed to be a fun.
and i meant FUN.
but it didnt happen to me though.
it was the same old routine i've always had for my sundays.
except today was even more boring.
mum fetched me and sis from religious class.
then we went to granny's house because dad was there and he said he wanted to use the car.
the truth is,
i'd never really enjoy going to granny's house.
i mean whenever my dad is around,that is.
my point is,i think that i'm beginning to despise my dad.
and even more,this time.
and lately,he's been getting on my nerves.
oh god!
yesterday during lunch,he spoke up.
"So,you dont want to share anything to me anymore right?"
i practically ignored him.
and then he began again.
"I dont know if you still treat me as your father.You think i dont know you have boyfriend is it?You want to keep everything to yourself right?I read the messages.Dont think i dont know."
at that moment i was like...uhh,hello?
so you're saying you want me to tell you every single thing huh?
for god's sake!
i am a daughter he's bringing up not a son.
i have the right to choose who i'm going to share my personal life with.
and i chose mum.
because to me,i think she understands me better than you!
sometimes i wonder if you are even my dad.
and sometimes i wish that all this while my true dad will be out there feeling all guilty for leaving me with you.
but then,too bad you're my biological dad afterall,
and i have to live up to that fact even if i'm not proud of it.
it is very infuriating to have to look at his face,really.!
arrrggh!!
i cant stand him.seriously.
i've had it!
why think about him being disappointed in me when HE i such a disappointment?
pfft!
okehh.i think i'm done for now.
maybe more heartwrenching news next time.
i still miss saddam laa.
i just cant wait for tomorrow.
i want to go to school laa!!
hmpf!.
okehh goodnight then.

i miss you,dear.(:

2007-08-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

nothing much happened today.
but i just feel like blogging.
i miss saddam laa.
i cant msg him because his prepaid low.
and how pathetic is that?
i know,i know.
it's not easy as it seems.
but i managed it anyway.
for now,i am just looking forward to going school on monday.
oh shit.i just remembered that i'm suppose to do the pledge on monday.
oh damn it.
oh well.i'll just tell shazana to do it.
anyway,there's this event put up by the yew tee cc.
and it's going to be held at somerset.
you need to buy a ticket which cost $25.
but if you purchase one,you'll get one more free.
i dont know if i'm going.
and if i'm going,
i'll probably be bringing shuhada.
or saddam.
hehhs.
oh well.i'll see about it then.
oh and btw,
i dont think i will blogging for a couple of days due to exams.
so yeahh.
till here.and goodbye.

iloveyou,huns.(:

2007-08-10T09:32:00.000+08:00

yay!
yesterday was sure fun.
i went out with my family to watch NDP.
but we went to the garden by the bay.
there were alot of families having picnic while watching the fire works.
the scenery was indeed beautiful.
it feels so great.
luckily we brought portable tv.
so that we could watch the parade and at the same time enjoy the fire works.
it was really fun laa!
so anyway,when the fireworks started,
boyfie told me that those fireworks are from him to me.
well,even though it's not.
but since we were there to see the fireworks,it seemed real.xD
so sweet laa.
ahaa!
i can love him already.lolls!
okehh anyway,
here are the pics i took from yesterday.

so that's all.
there more but these are the nicest.i guess.
haha.
till then.

i'll miss boyfie.
he owe me a big hug on monday.ahaa.(:

2007-08-09T13:21:00.000+08:00

i'm currently very very happy.
remember when i mentioned about saddam?
yes.
i told him to wait for my answer.
it took me quite some time actually.
he asked me once before.
i said i'll think about it.
and then two weeks later,
he brought up that topic again.
i told him i've been thinking.
and that i dont think i can give him the ans straight away.
he told me if i reject him,
he would accept the fact.
and said he'll still love me.
okehh well whatever it is,
i've been doing alot of thinking actually.
and one of them was,
since he wants a serious and long relationship,
i'm afraid i cannot handle the pressure because
i'm not those kind of girls who can survive long in a relationship.
unless that person is the one whom i want to spend my entire life with.
i know usually guys around his age prefer serious relationship.
but as for me,i think that i am still young
and i feel that it is important to widen my circle of friends first.
i always thought that being in a relationship would deprive a person from having other guy friends.
not that i want to date every different guys,
is just that i'm afraid that all my movement being control and have to sacrifice in alot of things.
that was why i thought that if i were to be in a relationship with him,
i'm afraid it will not last.
and if it is me who initiates the break up,
then the whole entire school will know
and they'll label me as the jerk.
i dont want that to happen.
but then, when i tried looking from a different perspective,
like it'll be an experience having an older boyfriend.
well...just two years different.
but still?xD
and i've read somewhere that in order to mend a broken heart,fall in love again.
come to think about it,
it's kinda true.
that's when i thought i should give him a chance.
you know.
just give it a shot.
and so guess what?
i did.
haha.
no one knew yet actually.
and now,i'm proud to say that.
i'm attached.
hehs.
though i feel a little bit confuse.
but i'll try to give my heart to him.
if only...fir..
pfft.nvm.
alriight.
till here then.((:

2007-08-07T17:05:00.000+08:00

okehh.
i got to use the comp.
haha.
without hiding,this time.
so anyway, just now, i was suppose to do the flag thingy during assembly.
i did the national flag as it was nearer to saddam's class.
haha.
i kept laughing throughout the whole national anthem with wawa.
and then i saw him!
yay!
i had science common test just now.
and shockingly,it was so fucking easy.
i was quite pissed off uhh.
i thought it was going to be hard because,since we've learnt those topics last semester,
it would be more challenging if it's harder.
i studied so hard thinking that the paper would be so fucking hard.
oh wells.
there's still SA2.
pfft.
okehh,put that aside first.
i cant wait for tomorrow!
gaaaah.
wear blazer.
okehh.fine.
so what if it's only blazer.
haha!
i'm just excited for tomorrow.
we'll be witnessing the parade.
and then got ncc somemore.
haha!!
yay!i cant wait.
firhan really looks good in his uniform laa!
sometimes whenever i'm alone in my own world,
i would often think of him.(with his uniform.weird,i know.xD)
sometimes,i feel like i've not given up on him yet.
and whenever we walk past each other,
my heart would skipped a bit.
it's awful.yes,i know.
but then,i just cant stop myself.
i tried so hard to find a way to get him out of my head.
and that's when i found saddam.
haha.
yes,saddam.
he's not even the one i longed for.
he just appear right before me.
the exact thing happened with my relationship with josey.
i dont want to play with anyones feeling anymore.
so that's why i planned not to accept his request about becoming his girlfriend.
i'm afraid the same thing will happen again.
and i know that it wont last.
i told him that i'm not ready yet.
i was actually expecting him to forget me just like most guys would do when they get rejected.
but he didnt.
he actually send me home and all.
as if waiting in line for me to accept him as a boyfriend.
if i were to follow my ego,
i would probably accept him and then dump him after a month.
but then when i thought about the consequences,i bear the thought of it.
people thought that i'm madly in love with saddam.
they dont know that deep inside,
i'm still longing for firhan.
i know it is impossible.
he doesnt even deserve me.
and i would just be playing with my own feelings.
oh well.
i'll find some other way to forget him.
as for saddam,
that,will have to wait.
if he truly wants me for who i am,
and i can finally open my heart for him,
maybe i'll give it a shot.
sigh.):
till here then.
perhaps i'll update tomorrow.

baby,i love you still.

2007-08-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

i'm happy.
happy.happy.happy.
haha.
maybe i should announce that this blog is dead.
i havent been updating the links.
and i havent been updating about what happened nowadays.
i'm actually banned from using the comp.
and right now,i'm actually creeping inside the study room to use the comp.
so,you see.
i cant be updating 24/7.
but right now.
i'm feeling ultimate happiness.
i'm not sure if that's the correct term.
but yes,today i feel kinda awesome.
haha!
everything just went good today.
i'll list out what happened today.
-i got to say the pledge in front of the upper sec.
-common test was postponed tmrw.
-wafir and syiqin are finally an item.all thanks to me the matchmaker.now that i can resign.xD
-the sec 2 prefects get to wear the new blazer for NDP.
-firhan noticed me.haha!
-jon got relationship problems.but then,shawn told me jon dislikes me.and surprisingly,i dont give a damn.seriously.
-last but not least,adam sent me home.
and maybe that is why i'm happy.
so that's it.
there are actually a few more tiny things happened in school.
i'm just too lazy to type.
so yeahh.
i feel so good today.
i just hope tomorrow will be better.(:

2007-08-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

and guess what?
adam sent me home.
and yay!
i was so happy.
he sent me right up to the lift.
and then he strode off.
gaaah!
he's effing sweet.
so maybe this is not a rebound.
nuh-uh.
there were some awkward silent moments,though.
but he tried making conversations uhh.
and so i just went with the flow.
oh what the hell?
it's better this way.
i feel good.
and nothing's holding me back.
i've got so much to say.
but maybe i'll update it next time.

maybe it's love.(:

2007-07-28T16:12:00.000+08:00

i've loved,
i've lost,
and now i think i'm in love again.
i guess.
oh i dont know.
well.it seemed that i find myself 'drooling'
for someone new.
which is not really true laa.
okehh.that's pretty fast, right?
you must been thinking that i'm on a rebound.
i kept wondering,is he more like a band-aid or a soulmate?
wait a minute.
am i still in rebound mode?
i don't think so.i hope.
i just wonder.
am i too quick to commit to a new relationship
so that i can distract myself from the past?
but, i do not want him to feel that i'm making use of him.
well.i'm not.
so, what's holding me back?
but, am i ready to move on for real?
or
am i just fooling myself?
when will i'm ready to love again?
i'm soo confuse right now.
i know that i'm still vulnerable and trying to let go of the past
and i'm desperately want to focus on the future
and be the best that i can be.
but i'm just an ordinary teenage girl,
who just want to be feeling wanted and loved.
am i asking too much?
gawd!! this is really a hard call for me.
but i think for now,
i'll follow my heart and do what feels good.
i want to be happy again and
i hope that any rebounding that is still going on
will quickly losing momentum by itself.

i'm praying for a blessing years ahead and happiness :))

2007-07-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

i think my life's getting a little bit better now.
i feel so happy nowadays.
i dont know why.
maybe the atmosphere around me had change.
it feels so great.
i'm starting to love again and explore every little detail in life.
be it bitter or sweet.
i feel free.
and blessed.
well,somehow i like it.
and btw, i got highest for history.
a big hooray for me.lolls!
and thank you wafir for helping.
it seems like time's moving fast.
but i seem to enjoy every minute of it.
i swear.(:

2007-07-20T22:11:00.000+08:00

and i say goodbye to you.
i thought you could be the one.
but i was wrong.
i never thought i would go insane about this.
as you know i'm falling for you head over heels.
but it's okehh.
it's over anyway.
i should have thank you.
you made my life easier now.
i can channel all my energy towards my studies.
i dont have to think about you anymore.
and you've lighten my burden.
thanks,boy.
maybe we're just incompatible.
and i've had enough.
but i'll remember you,dont worry.
and no,i wont hope for you to get back all your sense to love me again.
because by then i've probably moved on.
i just hope you'll appreciate my affection towards you.
and the next time i see you,
i probably will pretend that i didnt see you.
so you dont need to feel all guilty.
it's not your fault.=.="
and dont think that i cant live without you.
because i can.
even though it's gonna be hard,
i just had to.
goodbye my lover.(:

2007-07-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

it's over,baby!
yeapp.
i thought of breaking down.
well, i did.
just now.
i thought of doing it again.
but then,why waste my tears for some stuffs which arent worth it?
it's a nice feeling to love somebody so hard.
but sometimes,we just need to let go.
even though it is hard,we must learn to move on.
who knows life will much more better afterwards?
it's weird though,
because i'm actually letting my tears roll down my cheeks.
right at this instant when i'm typing.
and the weirder thing is that,
i feel much more better.
maybe it's better this way.
afterall,everything's meant to be broken.
seriously,
i really had nothing to say about this whole situation.
but if it makes me feel so much better to let it out.
so be it.
i've met other guys.
and maybe you stand out from the rest.
i dont know which part of you made me go gaga.
i'm just attracted to you.
but too bad,the feelings are all gone now.
even if you suddenly changed your mind and want me again,
maybe it's a little too late.
because once a heart is broken,
you can fix it,but you cant get it back like the original one you had.
so,honey,
you may be good.but you're not the permanent one.
right now,
i'll just concentrate with my studies.
and yes,only that.
no more fooling around.
or flirting.
i've got no mood to flirt already.

oh god.
i longed for someone to hold
someone who loves me without being told.
perhaps.

ps.i'll be changing url.

2007-07-15T22:27:00.001+08:00

ola!
i'm feeling cheery today.
i dont know why.
maybe everything is back on track.
i've been studying.
well,yeahh.
that's the fact.
and i'm getting 'hornier' memorizing those bio stuff.
i mean,really.
alot of questions popped out in my mind.
the more i learned about it the more i ponder and sexually excited.
haha, just kidding.
well,i just got to do what a student got to do especially when tmrw happened to be bio test.
yes,people.
i love bio.
that's why i thought of aiming to go 3-9 and take triple sciences.
because i dont think i can manage with only two sciences which is physics and chem.
i am so not a physics person.
so,if i were to drop physics,i'm left with only chem as my main subject.
and that will get me to nowhere.
that is why i'm planing to take 3 sciences.
and if i flunk my physics,i still have my chem and bio to stable up my marks.
and what's more?
there's a-maths!
arrgh.
oh wells.
i'll just work hard,work smart and pray hard.
so that maybe i could get into the class i wanted.
and i really hope that for my girlfies too!
i love you girls!((:

and yes,i love firhan more already.xD

2007-07-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

okehh hello.
i couldnt blog much nowadays.
because i'm actually grounded from using the comp.
oh wells whatever.
this week was okehh.
nth much really happened.
except that i'm so fucking pissed about the fact that,the shameless bitch(i'm sorry farah aqila.)went up the stage and took my trophy when it was supposed to be ME who should go up the stage.
and she didnt even feel guilty.
she stood up confidently from her sit and went towards the stage.
what the fuck?!
okehh fine,maybe it wasnt her fault.
but still!!! she shouldnt just claimed the fame that not belong to her.
and ms andrea..how could you forget?!
hmpf!
oh to hell with that incident.
arrrgghh!!!
anyway,yesterday i went to hwa chong institution.
it was big.
as in HUGE!
yes,huge.
okehh so,we went to the drama theatre.
it was like a real theatre.
but in mini version.
and so,the performance was marvellous.
especialy the one performed by the RI and ACS students.
my god,their accent was like pure englishman.
and there's this one RI guy who looked so hot from the stage.
and then the two girls were like squealing like hell.
and so that's it.
yeahh.basically my week was not as terrific as, maybe other teenage girls.
well i dont care.
i'm tired now.
and i like to spend my time editing pictures now.

and yes,i still adore firhan.(:

2007-07-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

hello people !!!
i'm back from regent idol 2007!
i skipped british council class to emcee the event actually.
anyway i'm honored to have been asked to emcee the regent idol together with kak amalina.
its not my first time though as an emcee and i felt that i did real well
i was glad that the emcee-ing went ok considering that it was my first time doing spontaneously without actually memorizing script given by the teachers.
i was given a few days to prepare our own cue card!
somehow, emcee was different from the concert styles that i've been used to.
for a while, it took me some time to get accustomed to mingle with the finalist and the audience.
the finalist was awesome and the audience was very enthusiastic.
the event was a success i must say,
we only faced a small technical problem during the show but no big deal.
we handled it professionally, i guessed. loll.
anyhow, the emcee part of the evening is sure to be fun, no stress there.
i am so grateful for the experience and the experiences to come.
it was a challenge!

here's the update of the competition:
geraldine ho from 3-9 was crowned as regent idol 2007!
she won a $500 voucher and a singing lesson at blah blah blah (i cant remember)
followed by syeeqah from 2-2 and riyana from 4-2.
congrate to the winner and to those 2...you guys...rawk!

2007-07-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

today was a blast.
swimming was okehh.
josey's in the same group as me now.
and i'll get annoyed terribly.
tomorow's firhan's swimming lesson.!
shall ask fizah to look out for him.xD
i felt like i didnt post for a long long time.
but i thought i did.
oh wells.
i've got a feeling that there's some people out there who doesnt like me.
this world is like full of hypocrites!
like for example,
since my blog is private now,
i shall announce it here.
it'll make my life easier i guess.
so,the people whom i thought would affect me in the whole of this semester:
diana
ain
afif
syahirah(i just found out she called me a bitch and i'm quite pissed off.)
basically,i just need to learn to trust those who are really true to me only.
because it's pointless to act all goody goody in front of the people who hates you.
and also i've learnt that looks are really decieving.
i cant stand being trapped under their protruding teeth.
really.
oh what crap!
these stuff has been going on and on since last year.
i thought that maybe there is something wrong with me.
so i thought i'd change my ways.
but then,as time goes by,
i realised a certain pattern in this whole situation.
and i guess that there's something ill feeling in them that i find hard to comprehend.
i dont know how they can escape from the 'situation'.
sometimes it bothers me.
but then again,
it's pointless thinking about this crap.
i'm glad that i have some nice friends who's there for me.
so i'd like to thank you girls.(:
shuhada
hafizah
liyana
farah amirah.
these are the few whom i trust.
and i mean it.
thanks babes!((:
tag me if you've read it okehh?(:

&&fyi,i still love firhan laaa.lollies.xD

2007-06-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

school's been amazingly great.
i never thought it would be fun.
well maybe the lessons are boring.
but you have to admit,
it's secondary school life for goodness sake
nothing is considered fun once you're in class,really.
but school's still fun though.
well at least to me.ahaa.
so just now i just had my cross-country
it was incredible.
and yay!
i'm in the top 10 position!
i thought of running with farah amirah.
but i happen to run with farah hani in the end.
lolls.
but it was great.
the scenery was brilliant.
a pity i didnt get to enjoy it that much.hmpf!
ouhh.and the bridge.god!the bridge!
it was like a never-ending bridge.
it was really really exhausting running up that damn bridge.
oh well anyway,
the bottom line is,
i enjoyed it.(:

2007-06-24T11:23:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry i havent been updating.
and you may thought that this blog is dead.
well,it's not.
okehh so tomorrow back to school.
yay!
i'm so sick of holidays.
i want to go school!
i know i sound pathetic.
but pardon me people.(x
i've even prepared my uniforms.
haha.oh wells.
okehh.till here.
i'll update tomorrow.
promise.((:

2007-06-16T16:38:00.000+08:00

okehh.
so here are the pictures i've kinda promised to post.
enjoy.(:

the view of the hotel we stayed in.

at strawberry farm

let's just say,i couldn't get enough of those strawberries.(:

that's it.

bye people.(:

2007-06-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

hello.
i've been very busy these few days.
due to holidays.
ahaa.
i cant just mop in front of the comp all day right.
someone's got to live a life.
alot of things happened when i was away.
as in away from blogging.
and now i'm about to tell you guys my happy moments.
okehh,maybe i'll just let the pictures do the talking.
that would be easier.
and faster.
so here it is.

on 060607 i went to sentosa with the JJ west zone campers.

so here i am getting all ready to go sentosa hoping that wei ming will be there.
and it turned out that he was not coming.
he msged me saying he could not make it.
oh wells.
met the rest of the campers at habourfront.and we were early than the rest.
it's so frustrating waiting for them.pfft.
my group took off first.
so we went to vivocity and camwhore a little bit before we went off to sentosa.

in the tram.
on the way to siloso beach.
yes,siloso.sigh.

we went so gaga when we reached there.
lolls. those guys were bored while waiting for fizah to arrive.

and she finally arrived.went to 7-eleven to grab some food.

see.the lunatics having so much fun.(x

after washed-up.

okehh i'm bored.and i'm going out.so bye people.((:

2007-05-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

okehh so this is random.
i'm stuck in boredom
so i decide to post something.
it's not mushy.
so it'll be appropriate for everyone to read.haha.
=.="

firstly this for,well,him(:

i'd just like to inform everyone who's reading this right now
that i still do like you.
it's just that we dont seem to contact anymore.
not that we ever really contact one another that much.
i mean,you've got my number right?
so why cant you just pick up that dumb phone of yours and dial my number?
pfft.
maybe i'm going beyond my limit.
but what about you?
you never really seem to take the initiative.
it's so freaking frustrating.
maybe i'm just missing you that's all.
or maybe this love really is fading away.
and that you should try to open up my heart again
and then i'll let you in.
like that's gonna happen.
i may not have been good enough for you.
but well,i still do like you.
i'm serious.
i'll just have to wait until school reopens
and i'll get to see your face.
but for now,
maybe i should take a break.
sometimes,it's a little too tiring
thinking about you day in,day out.
okehh,i'm kidding.(x

now this one is for the new friend.
i met him during the camp.
and i'm so glad i got to know him.
he taught me the importance of responsibility
and well more to it,i guess.
but knowing him was a real pleasure.
i just love atheletic guys.
i mean,he is so sporty.
okehh whatever,enough about him.
one thing i know that,
he can sometimes be a pain in the ass.
i'm serious.
i feel like strangling him,once.
but we're poles apart.
so it's impossible.
anyway it's great to know him.(:

the next one is for the one who's probably not over me yet.=P
i would just like to advice him something.
(if he happens to read my blog,that is)
even though now is the time we should be having fun,
please dont be too immature.
i reckon that most guys in this age,
often act too immaturedly towards us, girls.
it's been proved that girls' mature faster than guys.
but that doesnt mean all guys are goofy about relationships.
and if,let's say you've got someone who's truly devoted to you,
dont just let it pass just like that.
you may not know it
but the girl may have sacrifice alot for you.
just because she dotes on you alot.
yet you keep on playing around with her heart.
treating it as if it's a toy.
please dont.
it's hurtful.
so i hope that you will not repeat the same thing again.
it's infuriating.
well.
good luck with your relationship with whoever.(:

next,it's for the one who thinks it's no big deal
breaking my heart over and over again. =x
although i'm already sick of you,
and that i cant stand looking at you in your eyes,
because everytime i look in it,
my heart would probably flares up.
i really do appreciate all those stuff you've done for me.
be it tiny matters or even huge stuffs.
thank you for making my life a colourful one.
because you started it,
i began to understand how important it is to stay strong
at times when i'm feeling all shattered.
and now i know that in every relationships,
patience is needed.
i know how many times people may have said that.
but i now truly realise the true meaning of it.
you may not be the greatest guy i've ever dated but
being with you was fun alright.
and i hope that you'll treat your future girlfriends well.
i mean it.(:

and this last one i'd like to dedicate it to
the guys who treats girls like his own toy.
your sweet words got all girls get stuck onto you.
it's not like you're that hot or anything.
okehh fine,you're white.
but so what?
it's not like you ace in your studies
or you're like a sex god,
a soccer star
or whatever.
you're not okehh?
i dont even think if you have hot abs..
pfft.
you are just a typical malay guy
who does nothing but lay on the bed,
msging different girls at the same time
and feed them with your
irritating sweet words.
sorry dude,
but your sweet words coming out from your sweet mouth
aint gonna fool me.
hmph!
i'm glad i rejected you.
thank god,
your girlfriend,well,ex,
told me every single detail.
so listen here,
i dont know if you're gonna stop
and realise your mistakes or maybe you dont have any conscience.

and for those who have no clue to what i'm crapping about,
just ignore today's post.
any comment, keep it to yourself.
like i said, i'm bored.

ha ha.=x

2007-05-30T21:45:00.001+08:00

yesterday i went to NUS to attend the maths olympiad competition.
it was really an opportunity which i'll never would forget.
it's not that i enjoyed attending maths olympiad.
but when i stepped into NUS,
i was like,
wow!
well,my dream is to get to NUS and study law.
and i really hope that it would come true.
so when i look at the environment in NUS,
it really motivates me to work hard towards my dreams.
i am so thankful to both of my parents.
they have always been my guardian angel.
and sometimes those naggings coming out from mum's mouth,
could really be inspirational whenever i thought back.
now all i need is the effort coming out from me.
well,i'll try my very best to,well,be the best that i can be.
haha.
i learnt that from camp.
so anw,maths olympiad was so difficult!!!
pfft.
i didnt expect those typ of questions to come out.
but i did manage to solve some of it.
most of the questions were not taught by that mr siah.
so,regent,dont blame me if i didnt achieve anything out of it.
all i can say now is that,i did my best and i'm satisfied.
lolls.like real.
oh wells,i had a great time there.
that's all folks.

i'm bored.pfft

2007-05-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

the west zone camp was ubber fun.
i really miss those people.
the camp was held at jurong junior college.
it was gigantic,really.
wel anyway,i had fun during the camp.
the 3 days 2 nights really did pay off.
i met awsome people there.
and the camp was really properly organised.
it was just great.
because it was really different compared to the other camps i've attended.
especially the ones i had in sch.
it's waaayy different.
i'm glad i've grabbed this opportunity.
i just hope that we could use the knowledge we've learnt
back to school.
and if ever got the chance to plan for any camp in school,
i hope we'll able to apply all those experiences we had for the camp.
right guys?
haha.
so overall,this camp i attended was really an enjoyable and exciting experience.
i hope i could attend it once again.
i want to see wei ming!
haha.(:

2007-05-23T17:42:00.000+08:00

i feel that it's been a long time since i last post about,
well,him.(:

there's just so much stuff going on.
and my feelings towards you may seem to fade.
but,trust me, it never did.
and it will never will.
i've locked your name in my heart
and promise that it'll never be touched by anyone.
i've seen you through your ups and your downs.
i may look as if i dont bother about you.
but actually i am.
it's complicating.
but whenever i gaze into you,
i could feel my heart tingle with delight.
and my heart will pound a loud staccato rhythm
as it strains in my heart
and burns as though it's about to burst.
that's how strong my feelings are towards you, my dear.
it's so deep.
and i can hardly breathe when you're near me.
you're so good to me.
you make me feel hot when i caught you staring intently at me.
oh boy.
i love you and you know it.
god you're so cute.
when you were dancing to the beyonce's song.
you were fucking cute honey.
there's just something about you
which keeps pulling me towards you day by day.
i dont know what.
but the feeling is great.
and i wouldnt change a thing about it.
this moment is brilliant.
it's not perfect.
yet.
and it's so beautiful and it makes me want to cry.
hold on to it dear.
and dont let go yet.
i hope that it'll stay.
and we'll go slow from here.
falling in love feels so great
because i'm falling in love with you.<3

2007-05-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

so my midyear exams are finally over
and school holiday is just around the corner.
i'm super excited.
but yesterday was the day i regard with mixed emotions.
the results were out!
nervousness and the anxiety of getting my result made me butterflies in my stomach,
so the rest of my classmates, i guess.
yeah, to sum it up english and mt were sucked;
i had to make a promise to my mum
that i'll do at least 1 english comprehension passage everyday during the june hols.
pfft.
well,it's for my own good.
but whatever.
for my mother tongue,
i seriously am shocked when i received the exam script.
i mean,the marks were not that bad.
but i'm just truly dissapointed.
for god's sake,it's my own language.
but anyway,i didnt blame myself entirely.
it's the school's fault too.
my class havent had someone who actually teaches us.
besides substitute teachers,of course.
who went around hushing us every time we talked.
sigh..
and there's art, geography and literature.
i thought they were ok;
i'm not taking art next year anyway.
because i know i'm suck at it.
there will be no more geo.
because next semester will be history.
and literature,
well maybe i really need to improve on how to express myself more.
with good english.
and math, science and home econ papers were surprisingly great.
ok.
I AM SUPER DUPER HAPPY WHEN I GOT MY MATHS PAPER.
really.dont believe?ask farah.
i was so happy that i accidentally tore my paper apart.lolls.((:
science's overall was good.
but there's still a whole lot of improvement need to be done.
but i'm satisfied anyway.
and for home econs,
i studied last minute and.POOOF!
i got an A.
so obviously, i'm quite pleased and
am relatively confident in doing better for my streaming.
i hope :))
well, to all my friends all the best with your result
and don’t forget to enjoy during the school holiday
to keep our perspective clear and balance.
life is not all about school, homework and exam.
it's so more than that.

well anyway,i just got back from a
very,
very,
very
long distance jog.
trust me,i'm worn out.
but it's fun.
i need to loosen up my joints for cross country.
so i was up for a jog with my cousin.
i did practically 100 sit ups.
well nearly.ahaa.
i got home like around 6-plus.
took a steamy,hot bubble-milk bath.
it was refreshing.

2007-05-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

i've been busy and alot of things had happened in the past few weeks,
other than revising for the exam.
just completed all the main papers and art.
and thank god art is over.
it's been 'deterring' me for weeks from my revision.
the theme i chose for the artwork was 'masquerade'.
it suppose to disport disguise and pretentious.
i guess this theme should lead to people, friends, talking..

talking is how you spread and share your thoughts, ideas, facts, views
and experiences to people around you.
it's not always wrong to talk about other people.
when you talk about your friend who had nice hair cut or
did well in their exam..
those words don't hurt anyone.
but when you say mean things,
tell stories that you're not sure are true,
give false statement,
especially one which is damaging to a person's reputation
or reveal information you know is supposed to remain secret.
i guess that is spreading gossip or worst it can lead to backbiting.
that's how rumors work.
they start small and often blow up into
something different from the truth.

even all religions condemn and prohibit gossiping.
in fact Islam considers gossiping
the equivalent of eating the flesh of one's dead brother/sister.
but why still people gossip?
is there any reason for why people talk behind people's backs?
do they do it because it's fun?
gossip might seem like fun,
when you are not the 'target'.
it's pretty easy to get caught up in the 'groupthink' of a gossip circle
and to rely on 'juicy information' to keep conversations going.
it can feel like a private little club to gossip about another person.
but generally,
if someone gossips with you,
he or she also might gossip about you!
literally, that's what happen in school now.
it's hard to explain what, why and how it happened
as discreet as possible without offending anyone.

well, to YOU,
i'm glad that you took the initiative to confront with me.
we should have done so earlier
in fact we should talk it out last year.
but i guess our perception of each other at that time was clouded.
maybe, we were too preoccupied with our lives
and assumed everything we heard and saw is what it was.
we were too judgemental and insensitive.
i believe, we had learnt our lesson
from these dreadful moments of our teenage life.
well i do.

and to YOU,
please don't get offended after reading my post.
i'm not siding anybody nor blaming anyone.
i really appreciate that you wanted to rekindle our friendship
and trying to be a good friend to me.
i'm sure you know that friends means being honest with each other
and telling each other the truth
and betrayal is the most painful reason to loose a friend.
i suppose you have your reason
and only you can explain yourself.

so, to my dear friends,
i hope we can start afresh without feeling any resentment.
well, there is this saying which goes;
do unto others as you would have done to you.
((:

2007-05-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

i know i shouldn't use the comp this week but now i guess i really need to.
it had been bothering me ever since i was told that she had been pretending to be my friend.
in my presence, she acted like we're good friends
but when i'm out of sight
she said mean things about me.
calling me names and criticising behind my back.
all the compliments and concerns you said to my face were all bullshit!
i should've known.
all this while you've been bearing grudges against me
that make you want to get back at me on the sly.
i thought,
after we were friends again,
we could start anew.
i tried to forget about the past and accept you as the way you are.
but you'd never been sincere and all about you were fake.
i knew, jealousy has always been an issue here.
your jealousy is eating you away and the more you harbour these thoughts,
the weaker you will become.
you're always trying to make me jealous by telling me about your 'glamorous' life and
fyi, i've never gotten jealous when you TOLD me about guys who have/had an eye on you
and never even turn green-eye when you stand behind the rostrum calling out the name's of the students.
why should i be jealous??
i don't waste my time thinking about other people's life and comparing myself with them.
i'm happy with the way i am and what i have.
because i believe,
when you are jealous of someone else,
you are focused on that person instead of yourself.
you are concentrating on what they have
instead of working on improving yourself.
and yes.
about my last post, you were right.
it's all about you and ONLY you.
ouh yes and one more thing,
i did not snatch diana away from you and
neither did i accuse you from snatching my new friend away.
it's thier choice and their own free will.
i know you've been telling lies about me to the others
and putting words in my mouth.
however i never instigate anything ugly about you and
don't worry i'm not trying to get back at you,
it's not worth my time to stoop to your level and
wasting my time trying to get even.
because i don't want the situation to get worse if i try to retaliate
and drag on longer than you want.
it's not worth it.
and i'm sick of it.
trust me.
i dont do stupid things.

2007-05-02T08:35:00.000+08:00

it's maths lesson now.
cant blog much.
pfft.
but i just feel like typing something.
since i've finished the quiz.(:
so let me start about somehting which really bothers me so much.
i dont understand why in the world should people make silly stories about themselves.
whether it is to impress their friends or make themselves feel or look good.
i dont know.
but all i know is that they are making a fool out of themselves.
i mean,you dont go around telling people this and that which arent true.
for god's sake, we live in a reality world not some fantasy dreamland.
get a life!
and i am not some 3 year-old kid who listens to all the fairytales you had created.
i dont get fool easily.
i'm 14 okehh?not 4.
i can tell reality from fantasy,
i cant deny that the stories you fabricated were so interesting.
but come on.
it doesnt sound logic at all.
it just a figment of your imagination.
i dont really know why must you be so fantasy-minded.
i mean, it's not wrong for you being imaginative,
but if you are so used of relating your life to the fairytales you've created,
and have difficulty to separate fantasy from reality,
then you’ve got big problems,
that's crazy.
insane.
i dont know whether to believe you or not.
because i've been fooled once.
so please.

just try not to impress us with your tales.
i guess you're mission is to make me jealous.
but i'm not my dear.
and i cant.
and i wont.
why?
because i'm not sure which part of your stories is true.
once you lied.
you will not be trusted by people.
i hope you'll change.(:
for the better.